Anger: a Hanger of Your Life
By: Sarosh Damji
“Speak when you are angry, and you will make the best speech you will ever regret”.
Many people who have been subjected to abuse or other forms of childhood maltreatment have lost touch with their emotions. It’s not so much that they want to avoid their sentiments; it’s more that they aren’t even aware that they are avoiding them. This is a natural reaction to a developing neural system being overloaded, but it’s a poor strategy for adult survival.
Angry? Take a deep breath before you speak, because your mouth acts quicker than your brain. Although anger is an emotion we cannot avoid, the truth is that life is far lovelier when we learn to control it. Not only that, but it’s a common human emotion that we all feel from time to time when things don’t go our way or people don’t act the way we want them to. Angry isn’t inherently harmful or wrong, contrary to popular assumptions. Rather, what we do with our anger decides whether or not it becomes an issue in our lives.
Knowing your triggers in advance can help you avoid them or feel more equipped to deal with them and stay in control when they occur. However, you must be aware of bodily warning signs and recognize what is going on in your body as your anger begins to rise (for example, pounding heart, grinding teeth, tightness in the chest). Recognizing those bodily warning indicators can allow you to calm down and de-escalate the issue before things spiral out of control. You may also want to check your thinking; when we are angry, our thoughts can become exaggerated or unreasonable. Replace problematic thoughts with more positive ones to recover control. Reframe negative self-talk like ‘I can’t handle it, this is unbearable’ to something more loving and compassionate like ‘I’m frustrated, which is reasonable, but I don’t need to lose my cool, I’m fine.’
If you’re getting furious, you should definitely pay attention to what’s going on and allow yourself the space you need to calm down. Postpone the conversation and set a time to speak when everyone has calmed down. Then get up and leave the room, or take a walk. Plan how you’ll keep calm when the talk continues while you’re taking this time for yourself. There are several ways to divert your attention away from the current circumstance, so think about what works best for you. Listening to music, talking to a buddy, watching TV, or exercising are all options. Also, you may reduce stress and tension in your body by practicing mindfulness and relaxation techniques including grounding, deep breathing, body scans, and progressive muscle relaxation.
It’s a prevalent misperception that being forceful necessitates being aggressive. Being assertive is articulating your requirements clearly, directly, and respectfully while also being willing to bargain with others. Aggression, on the other hand, entails intimidating, demeaning, or ignoring others’ needs to get your own way. And, as they say, practice makes perfect, so spend some time visualizing or role-playing your anger management techniques. Consider a circumstance that might normally make you furious, and picture resolving it without becoming enraged. Try rehearsing with a friend, or practice saying things in an assertive (rather than aggressive) way in front of the mirror.
Anger can sometimes be a byproduct of other emotions. Anger, for example, can be triggered by feelings of fear, embarrassment, or sadness. At first, acknowledging these underlying feelings can be frightening and uncomfortable; it may seem easier to simply be furious. Connecting honestly with our emotional experience, on the other hand, can assist us in understanding and resolving our anger. Working with a psychologist can help you better understand your anger, identify potential causes, and develop strategies for managing and expressing your emotions in a healthy manner. The psychologist can also refer you to other options, such as anger control classes.
An inspirational author said; “Anger, resentment, and jealousy doesn’t change the heart of others– it only changes yours.”-Shannon Alder
As adults, we are aware that rage is a negative trait. Most of the time, a sensible person will endeavor to conquer. Is anger, on the other hand, a purely adult emotion? No! Kids feel furious, too, and they don’t know how to deal with it as we do. There are a variety of reasons why children become enraged, and not all of them are well understood. They aren’t always enraged because of a broken toy or a superhero suit that they were denied. When a child feels ignored or unheard, he or she can become enraged. When they feel anxious or insecure, they can get furious. Doesn’t it sound like a lot of words? All of these emotions are felt by children. They, too, are injured.
We acknowledge, however, that not all issues can be resolved peacefully. Mixing terrible words with a bad attitude is a recipe for disaster. You’ll have many chances to adjust your emotions, but you’ll never be able to replace the words you said. A single instant of patience amid an outburst of rage saves a thousand moments of regret because everything that begins in rage ends in disgrace.